Forgiving others, surely is one of the most difficult things in this world. We as a human tend to angry with the things that is not along with our understanding. Moreover, because of that, we tend to hate people because doing what is wrong in our eyes. Especially when things wrong and it is related to us. Not to mention we are keeping our hearts for remembering the bad things that others did in the past.
I have experienced this kind of situation recently, or probably not recently, perhaps it happened for long time already. In so many situations, I have tried to keep telling myself that I had forgive others for what they have done wrong to me in the past. In some cases, it’s easy to get rid of those hatred but sometimes, there are some hatred that even you keep telling yourself that you had forgive them, but it appeared sometimes in certain situation towards person who did wrong to you.
For now, I realized there are several people that I’m not fully forgive even though I had been telling myself to forgive and I thought that I had forgave them. Yes, that’s the situation that I am facing now.
I have wanted to tell personally towards people I still have grudge but usually it’s just ends there. Not just once perhaps so many times. I just wanted to tell them that what they had done to me sometimes has brought me to the things that I don’t want even until now. And sometimes I want to blame them for that. But for this thing I realized, I am not the one to blame people and I am not the one to make people guilty for what the wrong thing they had done to me.
I don’t know and I can’t really tell what I should do for these. Seeing what had happened and experiencing all of these not makes my life feel happy and peace. Peace and happiness are seemed far away from me since this forgiving others thing pop up inside of me.
Yes, it’s one thing about forgiving others. But the most difficult thing for me now is forgiving myself. Reconcile with oneself surely is one the most difficult things to face. Since I had done all of things that I had mentioned above, I do find it difficult to forgive myself.
“ But my happiness was poisoned by my doubts. Lord, have mercy on me! Lord, have mercy on me! Lord, have mercy on me! “