Early in the morning. 3.49 am.
Dear friend.
I am struggling to be the better me. I’ve been wandering around but found nothing. Being good has been terribly hard, even more being good isn’t enough. I have to put humble before it. But you know, I hardly failed every time I try being good. Sometimes I think that my resolve isn’t strong enough to push me forward, and my faith isn’t big enough for being the force that pull me up from my fallen.
‘What should I do?’ or ‘what had to be done?’ are the questions that has covering my head lately.
Yeah, one time I will think, I will do this so I can be like this. I will do that so I will more understand this tricky field. Or I will arrange this and that so I can be more aware for what to be done first and what should be leave behind. But in other time, I am doing nothing but playing around.
Dear friend,
I am not asking you to understand the situations I’m in now. I just want to write down the things that has spinning around lately on my head. In fact, I’ve tried but failed. Then came along the guilty feeling where I am usually facing difficulty to handle it.
I know, you might say: “you can do it!” or “just hang on there, every situation has its own solution” or “little by little you will overcome it.”
I do, I do. I want to believe that I can do it too. However, things are not recently friendly with me. I have to face it by the way.
Anyway. Thanks for being my friend. I know you’ve tried so hard to be good. So am I. But let’s put humble before it.
It’s me.
4.11 am
